Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity:

Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity:

Sexuality/Sexual Orientation	Mental Health Issues
Gender Identity
Homophobia/Transphobia

 Sexuality/Sexual Orientation

The word "sexuality" means different things to different people. Generally, it refers to an individual's personal experience of being attracted to other people and the body's sexual feelings and response to those people. There are lots of terms that are connected to sexuality such as sexual orientation, gender identity, bisexuality and more. Read on to learn more about yourself and others in your community.

What is sexual orientation?

Sexual orientation refers to the gender of a person who we become sexually attracted to. People who identify as "straight" or "heterosexual" will describe being attracted to people of the opposite gender. "Homosexuality" or "gay" orientation refers to people who have sexual attractions to members of their own gender. "Lesbian" refers specifically to women who identify as gay or homosexual. "Bisexual" refers to people who have sexual attractions to both genders, male or female. "Pansexual" is a relatively new term used by people who have sexual attractions to all people, regardless of their gender (people who may not express being fully male or fully female).

How do I know my sexual orientation?

It may take a different amount of time to understand ourselves and our attractions to others. For example, people who have repeated crushes and/or pleasurable body experiences with other people of the same gender, but have no crushes or pleasurable experiences with people of the opposite gender will ultimately report being "gay" or "lesbian". Having one or a few experiences with somebody of the same gender does not automatically make you gay or even bisexual. Sometimes it takes a long time to understand our bodies and how they react to other people.

When will I know my sexual orientation?

There is no official time that determines our sexual orientation. During adolescence, our brain starts to release certain hormones that help our bodies go through puberty and change. This happens over many years. At the same time, we may start developing crushes towards other people, which may lead to having a pleasurable sexual experience.

Is it OK to be gay or bisexual?

Yes. Although religions and cultures may have traditional beliefs that these types of feelings shouldn't be expressed in our behavior, current medical and psychiatric organizations have long taken the stance that being "gay", or "bisexual" is normal. Many gay and bisexual people are able to keep their religious values and cultural identity, yet feel comfortable to express their sexuality. There are also many religious figures in the community who are accepting of people of all sexual orientations.

Gender Identity

Gender identity is how strong a person's feeling is about being male or female, or possibly parts of both. Most people are comfortable with the feeling that they are one gender (male or female); however, not everybody falls into this category.

How do people express their gender identity?

Gender can be expressed in many ways: through our clothes, our speech, activities, hobbies, and our behaviors. It's ok for any of these things to change depending on what feels comfortable to us at the time.

What's the difference between gender identity and sexual orientation?

Many people confuse the two, but here is a simple way to understand the difference! Gender identity is more about "who you are" (boy, girl, or even possibly both types of feelings) and sexual orientation is about "who you have a crush on".

What does "transgender" mean?

Transgender people are people whose gender identity (feeling about which gender they are) doesn't match with their biologic gender (or sex). This means that their mind may tell them one thing, but their bodies tell them another. For example, a person born male feels that they are a female trapped in a boy's body. Transgender people feel strongly that their mind is right, and often desire to go through medical procedures to help change their body to the other gender.

What does gender-queer mean?

This is a term used by people who don't feel comfortable calling themselves male or female. They actually may feel comfortable with parts of both categories (or neither category). Some people who feel this way do not like to use male or female pronouns.

Is it ok to be transgender or gender-queer?

Absolutely. As with gay or bisexual people, some people with traditional beliefs may be uncomfortable with those who express these feelings, but professional medical and psychiatric organizations agree that it is better to express who you are, even if it makes other people a little uncomfortable.

Can I be both transgender and gay? What about transgender and straight?

Yes and yes. Being transgender is an individual thing, and it is about people whose mind and bodies tell them different things about which gender they are. However, those same people also have attractions to other people - some of them may be attracted to people with the same gender (as their mind tells them they are), and other transgender people may be attracted to people of the opposite gender (as their mind tells them they are). If you are confused by this, it's ok, because many other people are too!

Homophobia/Transphobia

What are homophobia and transphobia?

Homophobia is a term that describes negative feelings and attitudes towards lesbian, gay, and bisexual people. Transphobia is a similar term that describes negative feelings and attitudes towards transgender and gender-queer people.

What are some examples of homo/transphobia?

Negative feelings and attitudes about minorities (being gay or transgender) can be shown in different ways. Some ways are obvious and intentional, for example: direct insults, threats, bullying, physical harm or violence, and discrimination. Sometimes, homophobia isn't as obvious. Examples of these hidden forms of homophobia include: people who aren't comfortable around gay or transgender people, use of slurs/words in an unintentional way, avoiding discussions about gay issues due to feeling uncomfortable. All types of homophobic attitudes and behaviors can be hurtful and sometimes dangerous to gay or transgender people.

Why does homo/transphobia exist?

There is not an easy answer to this question! The best way to understand it is to realize that minority groups in the past have always made mainstream culture to feel uncomfortable. Other minorities such as women and racial ethnic groups are also discriminated against. Even though being gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and/or gender-queer is common, these groups are still minorities. The good news is that people are becoming more comfortable with these issues, and hopefully homophobic and transphobic behaviors will decrease in the future.

 Mental Health Issues

Adolescence can be an exciting but also a challenging time for everybody, since it is a period when bodies change, schoolwork is more difficult, and friends and families might not understand your feelings and thoughts. Sometimes adolescents feel more anxious, depressed, or even suicidal. Other times, adolescents can turn to risky behaviors like drugs or alcohol or sex. Gay, lesbian, transgender and gender-queer youth experience the same mental health issues as other adolescents. However, they may also be feeling lonely and might not share their feelings about sexual orientation or gender identity because they fear people will reject them. Having this extra burden can cause these adolescents to have a higher risk for these serious mental health issues.

What do I do if I feel suicidal?

Stay safe and do not make an impulsive dangerous decision! The most important thing to do would be to find someone supportive who you know. You don't have to share all the details right away, although it might help. If you can't think of anyone supportive, try calling a hotline  or even 911 so you can talk to a mental health professional, or go to the closest emergency room.

Who should I tell about my sexual orientation and/or gender identity?

Not everyone is going to be accepting of homosexual, bisexual, and/or transgender identities. Deciding who to tell can be a difficult decision. You may choose to share it with everyone you know or just a few close personal friends. It's important to find at least one supportive person you trust to tell so you don't have to carry the heavy burden of a secret alone. If you can't think of any supportive person in your life, you should contact a mental health professional or one of the professional online resources so you won't feel alone with these feelings. Don't pick random unknown websites for support.

Will my therapist force me to tell my parents, family, and/or friends about these feelings?

No. Therapists or mental health professionals are trained to maintain strict confidentiality with your sexual feelings and behaviors as well as gender identity questions. However, at your first appointment make sure to discuss confidentiality and how and if information is shared with parents or others.

Will my therapist tell my parents about my sexual orientation and/or gender identity issues?

In general, no. Therapists are always concerned about your health and safety so they will break your confidentiality in the event that your actions/thoughts might lead to an unsafe situation for you or others. Even then, they would only discuss the details needed to get you the services you need. An ongoing conversation with your therapist about confidentiality is important.

Where can I get support?

This is an individual decision for every person. The most important issue is to find someone who you think will be accepting of you regardless of your sexual orientation and/or gender identity.

This may include:

• An accepting friend
• An accepting parent
• Someone who you know who is bisexual or gay
• An accepting guidance counselor
• A Gay-Straight Alliance in school
• An accepting school teacher
• Health care provider
• LGBT support organization

If there is nobody who you think will be supportive of your thoughts and feelings, you don't have to be alone. Usually, a mental health professional can help you figure out who might be a good support system.

"I can't think of a single person who will be supportive of these feelings." What are some trusted online resources I can turn to?

There are plenty of online professional resources and hotlines for the many adolescents who have similar thoughts and feelings. Here are just a few.

"I have a friend who just told me about having gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or gender-queer thoughts. How can I help them?"

Even if you are uncomfortable with your own feelings about these subjects, let them know that you will support them and be there for them no matter what. Anybody who is willing to share private feelings and thoughts with you, probably trusts you as a close friend and support. Advise them to talk with their health care provider or start seeing a therapist so they don't have to feel alone.

"I have a gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or gender-queer friend who just told me about having suicidal or dangerous thoughts. How can I help them?"

Again, let that friend know that they don't have to be alone. Find out if they are with someone who can support them. Let them know that you won't break their secret about their sexual orientation or gender identity feelings but that you still have to let someone know about their unsafe feelings. Then, stay with your friend and right away let a supportive adult know, call a hotline, or even 911 to make sure your friend stays safe!